embark on a journey of flora parenthood is meet with excitement , anticipation , and , sometimes , unexpected glee .
Join me as I share my uproarious adventures in gardening , where things did n’t always go according to program .
From fanatic watering to plant indistinguishability crisis , these stories will resonate with anyone who ’s ever tried their hand at nurturing nature . Here are 10 rib - tickling lesson learned from the test and visitation of a wannabe gardener .
1. Overwatering Is Just Love in Disguise
I thought my plants would thrive on attention . Turns out , drowning them in water system is n’t “ love”—it ’s slow - motion plant murder . Now I ’m haunted by the wraith of my first pothos , who emphatically did n’t need daily hydration .
2. Naming Plants Doesn’t Save Them
Sure , giving my monstera a cute name like “ Monstie Elliott ” felt endearing . But no amount of clever punning can save a plant life from my unfitness to project out “ collateral sunlight . ”
3. Pest Invasions Are a Plant Parent’s Worst Nightmare
Nothing organize you for the repulsion of fungus gnats flying out of your value fiddle - folio Ficus carica . I tried every remedy under the sunshine — cinnamon , dish max , even begging — but those tiny devil laughed in my grimace .
4. Propagation: Instagram vs. Reality
Everyone on social medium form propagating plant take care effortless . Meanwhile , my try result in jar of murky urine and soggy stems that smelled like licking .
5. Some Plants Just Want to Die
No matter what you do , there ’s always that one plant that ’s like , “ Nah , I ’m good . ” pull to my maidenhair fern fern , which go a whopping 72 time of day before dramatically collapsing like a prissy maiden .
6. Succulents Are Sneaky
“ They ’re dispirited - maintenance , ” they said . “ You ca n’t belt down them , ” they said . Then why does my succulent wait like it ’s auditioning forThe Walking Dead ?
7. The Sun Can Be a Frenemy
plant need sun , but seemingly , nottoo much . Who know that leaving my monstera out of doors for a “ sunbath ” would become it into a crispy leaf disaster ? Not me , evidently
8. Pinterest Plant Shelves Are a Scam
Those languid plant shelf on Pinterest are a lie . Mine terminate up looking more like a jungle where things went to give-up the ghost . And yes , it took two dead ferns to realize this .
9. Plant Grief Is Real
When you by chance kill a plant , it ’s not just about the money — it ’s the shame . I held a midget memorial for my wanderer works , consummate with a heartfelt apology for overrate my skill .
10. One Leaf Can Make It All Worthwhile
Despite the pandemonium , there ’s nothing like the gauze-like delight of seeing a new leaf unfurl . That single victory makes you forget about all the plant you ’ve sent to an early grave accent . ( Looking at you , Fernie Sanders . )
Being a plant parent is mussy , hilarious , and occasionally tragic . But for every leafage that dies , there ’s a lesson learned — and maybe , just maybe , a new plant to strain again with .
So to all the struggling plant parents out there : you ’re not alone . Keep growing ( or at least keep assay ) ! 🌱
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